In the world of relationships, it isn’t unusual to wonder: “Should we start with couples therapy or would we (or one of us) be better off starting with individual therapy first?” It’s a valid question and a frequent one.
Many couples report feeling stuck, confused, or emotionally exhausted, and don’t know where to start. This guide will help you know if you should pursue individual therapy first before couples therapy, how to assess your situation, and when to use the two approaches together.
Understanding Individual Therapy
Individual therapy (known as individual counseling, too) offers a safe, one-on-one space with a licensed therapist to help you process your individual thoughts and feelings, mental health challenges , and relationship struggles.
You might pursue individual therapy to explore:
- Past trauma
- Communication issues
- Emotional regulation
- Relational patterns in your current relationship
- Mental health concerns like depression or anxiety
Individual therapy facilitates deep reflection and processing of individual challenges that might be affecting the dynamics of your relationship.
What Is Couples Therapy?
Couples therapy (or couples counseling) is a form of therapy where partners work together with a couples therapist to address shared relationship issues.
Whether you’re dealing with infidelity, trust issues, conflict resolution, or just feeling disconnected, couples therapy can help.
Many couples find that couples sessions create a space to:
- Rebuild emotional intimacy
- Work on communication skills
- Set healthy boundaries
- Navigate relationship problems or challenges together
But what if one partner has unresolved personal issues that are affecting the relationship?
That’s where the question arises: should you go to individual therapy first?
Do You Need Couples Therapy or Individual Therapy First?
It depends on where the root of the problem lies.
Ask yourself:
- Am I dealing with my own mental health challenges that impact the way I show up in the relationship?
- Do I have a tendency to shut down, lash out, or feel misunderstood?
- Do I have personal or historical issues that I haven’t processed that are affecting our relationship?
If you answered yes to any of these, starting with individual therapy first may help you gain clarity before (or alongside) couples therapy.
It’s not an either/or; many couples benefit from a combined approach.
When Individual Therapy Is a Must
Here are situations where starting with individual therapy is strongly recommended:
- You’ve experienced past trauma that hasn’t been processed
- You struggle with emotional regulation or stress response
- You tend to avoid conflict or overreact during disagreements
- You’re dealing with depression, anxiety, or other mental health struggles
- You have low self-esteem or a negative self-image
- You have trouble expressing needs, fears, or boundaries
Addressing these individual issues can be critical before a couple’s work can be effective.
A therapist might suggest individual therapy early on if they feel that one or both partners need more emotional tools before being able to productively participate in couples therapy.
Why Therapy Alone Can Still Improve Your Relationship
Believe it or not, even if your partner won’t go to therapy, you can still make progress.
Believe it or not, you can make progress, even if your partner won’t go to therapy.
Working on yourself through individual therapy can lead to:
- Positive changes in how you handle conflict
- Better communication in your current relationship
- Improved self-awareness
- Greater emotional resilience
- Increased understanding of your contribution to the relationship
Sometimes, when one person in a relationship heals, grows, and reflects, it inspires the other to do the same.
When to Choose Both: Individual and Couples Therapy
A blended approach, in fact, just works better in many cases. Here’s why:
- In individual sessions, partners can do personal work, regulation work, and trauma work that needs to be addressed.
- Couples sessions assist the couple with communication, working through conflict, and increasing emotional intimacy.
This model heals from both angles, internally and relationally.
Some therapists specialize only in individual or couples counseling, or have the flexibility to see both sides of a relationship in different sessions.
Thinking About Therapy Online?
If you’re dealing with work, parenting, or long-distance dynamics, online therapy brings professional help closer than ever.
Individual counseling or couples therapy together; all from home. Many therapists also provide a free phone consultation to assist you in deciding the best therapy route.
Final Thoughts: Your Step Toward Healing
There’s no right or wrong answer to whether you should start with individual therapy or couples therapy. But here’s the truth:
If you have relationship struggles, recognize repeating cycles, or dealing with unresolved emotional pain, individual therapy is often the path to clarity and confidence.
If you’re both willing to approach issues as a team, couples counseling can provide a tremendous container for growth.
Either way, therapy is a place for change, connection, and healing.
Just begin somewhere when in doubt. Individual therapy or couples therapy gives you the help you need.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: Which is better, individual therapy or couples therapy?
A: It depends on your goals. If you’re dealing with personal matters that are affecting your relationship, begin with individual therapy. If you and your partner want to work on the relationship together, try couples therapy.
Q: Is it possible for one partner to attend therapy alone?
A: Yes. In fact, therapy alone often changes the dynamics of your relationship, even if your partner isn’t in therapy.
Q: What if I’m not sure where to start?
A: Begin with a free phone consultation with a therapist. They’ll help you think through whether you need couples therapy or individual support first.
Q: Is therapy worth it, even for relationship stress?
A: Absolutely. Therapy helps you deal with stress, work through thoughts and feelings, and become a healthier version of yourself, whether or not your relationship has “hit bottom.”
